Ken Hoffman denounces major failure of CBS’s March Madness Texas card

CBS, the “Tiffany Network”, has spent hundreds of millions of dollars broadcasting this year’s March Madness games.

And then they hired third-year Timmy to draw their graphics for the big event. And it looks like Timmy is getting an “F” in Geography.

Recently, I was watching one of the first round games – I forget which one, I was watching TV all day – when the announcers started talking about Texas having seven teams in the tournament. Seven teams tie the all-time record for most teams in a state with California in 2002 and Texas in 2010 and 2018.

The Texas qualifiers this year are: University of Texas, Austin; University of Houston and Texas Southern University, Houston; Baylor University, Waco; Texas Tech University, Lubbock; Abilene Christian University, in Abilene; and the University of North Texas, Denton.

Under the banner “Lone Star State Success – Texas NCAA Tournament Teams This Season”, CBS showed a map where all the colleges are located in Texas.

Wow? Even in my murky basketball state, this card isn’t close.

It’s literally not close. CBS had Austin practically on the Texas-Oklahoma border, Baylor south of UT, and UH and Texas Southern some distance away (they’re practically neighbors.

Politicians always propose school redistricting, but it’s crazy.

If there’s one university you can’t miss, it’s the University of Texas. Fun fact: every year, UT tops the charts Forbes list to sell the most “merch”, and no other school comes to lose. Let Notre Dame, Alabama, Tennessee and others battle it out for No. 2. Don’t mess with Texas, like in UT, indeed.

I contacted CBS to ask what this map looks like – you have UT hundreds of miles north of Austin – but they haven’t responded. (Perhaps CBS was busy finding a geography tutor for Timmy.)

Twitter is like the goaltender who wins the Vézina trophy in the National Hockey League: nothing escapes Twitter. I froze the CBS map of the seven Texas colleges in March Madness and posted it.

Thousands of Twitter users responded. Many simply posted one word: Yikes! Oh ! Whore ! Annoying! Lazy!

But, given that this is Texas, where everyone is a comedian, Twitter took off:

  • “The University of Texas at Plano.”
  • “I had no idea the Longhorns were now located in Arlington!”
  • “UT-McKinney.”
  • “The best thing about the new map, the trip from Dallas to Austin is now just 23 minutes.”
  • “I guess UT’s weekend MBA extension site has really kicked its athletic program into high gear this year.”
  • “How did Houston end up near Beaumont and Baylor is now located in Waxahachie?”
  • “As a map guy and a Texas guy, it really burns my bacon here.”
  • “Yes, this online learning is paying off. #Geographymatters.
  • “They threw darts and hoped they weren’t too far.”
  • “I’ve seen better attempts to pin the tail on the donkey.”
  • “How do you get close to Abilene Christian and North Texas, but miss the state capital of Texas?”
  • “Who made this card? Five to 10 minutes of research is all it would have taken.

Perhaps the smartest comment, opening up old wounds that need to be opened up: “I think they mean seven men’s teams. Once again the women’s teams are erased.

Jimmy and JJ: A Perfect Concert Match
Usually, Jimmy Buffett hits the road this time of year, but if COVID keeps him grounded, he’ll be bringing some of his biggest gigs to fans online. Buffett calls it his “Nothin’ But Time Virtual Tour 2021,” rewinding concerts from yesteryear on Saturday nights at 7 p.m. You can watch on or listen to Radio Margaritaville on Sirius/XM.

Next up is Jimmy’s 2003 concert in San Diego. The rest of the program:

April 3 – Eugene, Oregon (2017).
April 10 – Dallas (1994)
April 17 – San Francisco (2012)
April 24 – The Woods (1995)
May Day – Atlanta (1996)

I asked Camp Buffett, how did you decide which concerts to include in this online tour? “Our decisions are based on a sampling of locations across the country, the theme of the tour, the variety of the set list, and the quality of the sound and visual components. It’s like a “creative draft”. Some shows will do the first round while others will do the second round and so on.

Also, “if there was anything special, a song or a skit or a cool tour theme.”

I’ve been to all of Buffett’s shows at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion at The Woodlands. If I was in Buffett’s War Room, I would have picked the 2016 gig. That was the show when “Coral Reefer guest” JJ Watt was on stage, drinking beer and playing conga drums for “Margaritaville”.

JJ Watt, do you remember him? Accustomed to playing football for the Houston Texans?

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