Ken Hoffman denounces major failure of CBS March Madness Texas card

CBS, the “Tiffany Network,” spent hundreds of millions of dollars to broadcast this year’s March Madness games.

And then they hired third-grade Timmy to draw their graphics for the big event. And it looks like Timmy gets an “F” in geography.

Recently, I was watching one of the first round games – forget which one, I was watching TV all day – when the announcers started talking about Texas having seven teams in the tournament. Seven teams equal the all-time record for most state teams with California in 2002 and Texas in 2010 and 2018.

Texas qualifications this year are: University of Texas, Austin; University of Houston and Texas Southern University, Houston; Baylor University, in Waco; Texas Tech University, in Lubbock; Christian University of Abilene, in Abilene; and North Texas University, in Denton.

Under the banner “Lone Star State Success – NCAA Tournament Teams from Texas This Season”, CBS showed a map where all of the colleges are located in Texas.

Wow ? Even in my chaotic basketball state, this card isn’t close.

It is literally not close. CBS had Austin pretty much on the Texas-Oklahoma border, Baylor south of UT, and UH and Texas Southern some distance apart (they’re pretty much next door.

Politicians always suggest school divisions, but it’s crazy.

If there’s one college you don’t want to lose, it’s the University of Texas. Anecdote: each year, UT dominates the Forbes list to sell the most “goods”, and no other school comes to lose. Let Notre Dame, Alabama, Tennessee and others fight for number 2. Don’t mess with Texas, like at UT, indeed.

I contacted CBS to ask what this map gives – you have UT hundreds of miles north of Austin – but they didn’t respond. (Maybe CBS was busy finding a geography teacher for Timmy.)

Twitter is like the goaltender who wins the Vézina Trophy in the National Hockey League: nothing beats Twitter. I froze CBS’s map of the seven Texas universities in March Madness and posted it.

Thousands of Twitter users responded. Many simply posted one word: Yikes! Oh ! Hush! Embarrassing! Lazy!

But, given that it’s like that in Texas, where everyone is a comedian, Twitter let go:

• “The University of Texas at Plano.”
• “I had no idea the Longhorns are now located in Arlington!”
• “UT-McKinney.”
• “The best thing about the new card, the drive from Dallas to Austin is now just 23 minutes.”
• “I guess UT’s weekend MBA extension site really kicked their athletic program into high gear this year.”
• “How did Houston end up near Beaumont and Baylor is now located in Waxahachie?” “
• “As a guy from the map and from Texas here, it really burns my bacon.”
• “Yes, this online learning is paying off. #Geography matters. “
• “They threw darts and hoped they weren’t too far.”
• “I’ve seen better attempts to pin the tail on the donkey.”
• “How do you relate to Abilene Christian and North Texas, but miss the state capital of Texas?” “
• “Who made this card?” Five to 10 minutes of research is all it would have taken.

Perhaps the smartest comment, opening up old injuries that need to be opened up: “I think it’s seven men’s teams. Once again, the women’s teams are erased.

Jimmy and JJ: a perfect concert
Usually Jimmy Buffett hits the road this time of year, but if COVID keeps him down, he’s going to bring some of his biggest gigs to fans online. Buffett calls it his “Nothin ‘But Time 2021 Virtual Tour,” rewinding the concerts of yesteryear on Saturday nights at 7 p.m. You can watch on Margaritaville.tv or listen on Radio Margaritaville on Sirius / XM.

Then comes Jimmy’s 2003 concert in San Diego. The rest of the program:

April 3 – Eugene, Oregon (2017).
April 10 – Dallas (1994)
April 17 – San Francisco (2012)
April 24 – The Woods (1995)
May 1 – Atlanta (1996)

I asked Camp Buffett, how did you decide which gigs to include in this online tour? “Our decisions are based on a sample of locations across the country, the theme of the tour, the variety of the set list and the quality of the sound and visual components. It’s like a creative “draft”. Some shows will do the first round while others will do the second round and so on.

Also, “if there was something special, a song or a sketch or a cool tour theme”.

I have attended all of Buffett’s shows at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion in The Woodlands. If I was in Buffett’s draft war room, I would have chosen the 2016 concert. It was the show when “Coral Reefer guest” JJ Watt was on stage, drinking a beer and playing conga during “Margaritaville”.

JJ Watt, do you remember him? Used to play football for the Houston Texans?